Mutt and Jeff

I’ve decided to write down some of the little tips and tidbits my pal Jeff is bestowing on me, of late. Even a seasoned, experienced, knowledgeable, brilliant gardener like myself, can use a fresh set of eyes now and again. So, I have decided to call the series: “In the Garden with Mutt and Jeff.”

First of all, you must know J is a damn near OCD when it comes to gardening. He took one look at my little plot of earth the other day and disdainfully, if not admonishingly (but with humor) proclaimed: gee, I know where there is A weed in MY yard.

After I considered, then reconsidered, flip-flopped and and decided against whacking him with the potted plant in my hand, I started to giggle. “Smart ass,” was my simple reply. I bet he DOES know where there is a weed in his garden. But I can tell you, there might be all of one. Just one.

Next up: he takes one look at the potted ficus on my front porch and in rapid fire valley girl speak proclaims, “You WILL FILL those pots with two more inches of perfect soil so I never EVER have to look at them again in that condition……..roots bare and showing and all.” Yessiree. On it. NOW.

I feebly attempted to defend my abhorrent potting practices by instructing his highness that if he had EVER seen ficus growing in situ, or in Hawaii, they grow with their roots at the surface, therefore, I, the Dirt Diva, was horticulturally, if not, culturally and tastefully correct in my planting practices. To which he replied, “Don’t give me that and don’t make me look at that again.” You can hear me wailing, “If they die, it is all your fault…..fault……..fault.”

He is coming over this weekend with a bow saw. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Hell, I am leaving town.